This is the latest in a monster thread started in July 2007 (currently 73 pages, 1442 comments) over at topix.com called Marriages destroyed by SSRI's/SNRIs. The stories repeat over and over again, almost as if scripted. Most of them do not have as happy of an ending as this one does. It is also unusual because as she weaned herself off Effexor she became closer to her family, but when she went back on Effexor the cheating started up again. Definitely seems to indicate that the drugs have at least something to do with changing ones personality.
My heart goes out to her husband, as I know how much this hurts, and he's handled it a lot better than I have. Major kudos. I wish them both the best.
But it makes me think about how I would handle things if/when my wife ever regains her senses and wants to try to reconcile. She belittled my manhood like I was a little boy. She told me how I never inspired her, but this other man did. She lied to me. She said the text messages to him asking "whether or not his antenna worked", and whether or not he "had a spot for her in his bed like she has for her cat" were only simply platonic jokes that she would do with any friend. When I discovered these text messages and read them to her, she laughed at me maniacally. She saw nothing wrong with keeping her phone locked and hidden away from me. The list goes on...
What would I do if given the chance? Would I take her back? Would I even want to be friends, or would I cut her out of my life forever? After she said that I wasn't her last resort because I wasn't even an option and that she wanted a divorce, I went to my attorney to file papers and thus far have cut her out of my life. I guess that is just for my own emotional self-preservation and healing. No kids, makes it easier. I can only aspire to do the right thing. I wish I just knew what it was.
But I digress. Here's "Picking up the Pieces" story:
I have read a lot of your stories and decided to add mine as well. I suffered from depression and later anxiety since high school. After the birth of my 2nd son, it reached an all time low. When he was about 15 mos old, my doctor tried me on Paxil, Paxil CR, and others due to insurance problems. Finally, I started seeing a therapist when he was 3, and he put me on Effexor XR. At first, as with most everyone, it was amazing. I felt great...better than I had in years! I even recommended it to my friends! But within 9 months, my family noticed that my attitude and personality had been changing...ALOT. I became very selfish and assertive, not in a good way. I started working for a friend and it was great. Too great. Within a couple of months we had an affair. Now let me stop right there for a moment and tell you I came from a very religious background for one thing and always felt very very strongly against anything morally wrong. And I loved my husband for the 11 years we were married at that point. He was the most amazing man I knew, loving, patient, helpful, and the best father ever. But there I was hating him, putting him down, cheating on him. This was so opposite of who I was. That man was also on the meds and his wife had said this was a side effect...so to speak. I thought she was crazy, so did my therapist. So I was on it for another 3 months. The relationship with that man ended, and I stayed with my husband. I finally decided to go off the meds and it was awful. If not for my kids, I would not be alive. Fast forward 18 months, I couldn't take it anymore. Work and everything was getting to me so I went back to my therapist. They put me on Zoloft but it made me sick. He said he saw me at my best on Effexor so I tried again. In 6 months, I was back at it again, my 2nd affair with the same man. Only this time, no matter how much my husband tried, I was determined to divorce him after 13 years, even to the mental distress of my 2 kids! In between the 2 tries of meds, we had no real problems, so this was really a shock to him. The following summer, I finally saw the light. The relationship was a lie. I missed my family so badly. And I realized that I only thought I was happy on the Effexor. It changed me completely. I was not the loving, caring, help you if I can person I always was... I was a lying, cheating, selfish, you know what! I abandoned my family, my values, everything. I have been off of the Effexor for a year now. I am truly happy for the 1st time in a long time. I have gone a different route for therapy: I talk about all of my feelings with my family, no matter how bad. I am fortunate that my ex husband is the amazing man he is and sees that it wasn't the real me that did all of those horrible things...although I still take responsibility for them. We are now trying to work on a fresh relationship, rebuilding our family on truth, trust and knowledge. And I know that it was the Effexor that changed me and will NEVER take AD's again! In fact, I now make it clear to all of my friends that they need to be very careful about the meds they are considering.
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