Stories of the Effuxed. "Effexor kills your marriage" by Rick.

Yet another story about how Effexor causes marital problems. I don't know how this one ended, but if they were talking about side effects then I believe there is a good chance they worked things out. I'll just choose to believe that.

Anyway, here's Rick's story:

Effexor kills your marriage by Rick

For 10 years, my wife and I have enjoyed a wonderful life togther. I LOVE MY WIFE SO MUCH IT MAKES ME CRY AS I WRITE THIS. We were always having fun, incredible sex, a true passion for each other mentally and physically. She was a gift from God. People often commented what a great relationship we had. We would complete each others sentences and at parties would often catch each others eye from across the room and we hated to be apart even for a few minutes. Then after a really bad two years at her new job, she went into depression and had to quit her job. About ten monhts ago, she went on Effexor. Then started a new job. I supported her every step of the way. Then it all started. First the night sweats. Then the weight gain and constipation. Quit the gym. Working rediculous hours. Then the blackouts when she drank alcohol, even in front of friends. FYI, we are both in our 40's, a little old to have drunken blackouts. Then she just seemed to drift away mentally and physically. The only time she will have sex that she enjoys is when she is drunk. If she is sober and I initiate sex, she just looks into space and looks empty inside. The passion in our marriage is almost gone. I have pleaded with her, tried to buy back her sanity with gifts and surprise gestures, tried anything anyone would recommend to get her to see what this drug is doing to her and our marriage. I even stopped drinking to set an example. I tried being harsh, I tried threats, I tried showing more love, doing more around the house, but it has all failed. I even asked her to chose between me and the Effexor and Alcohol...she did not pick me. That hurt. Nothing is working. She can't even shed a tear anymore. Her memory is so bad she forgot the two years of depression and how I was there every day for her. When she tried to defend herself, she makes no sense at all, but feels she is making sense. She just looks at me and says I am the problem. I think her doctor made a huge mistake and it may cost me the women of my dreams. I am so depressed now that I may need to try one of these drugs....definately not Effexor. I just want my wife back. I would give up everything to get her back. Does anyone have any suggestions or similar expeiences? Please!!!! Time is running out for us. I miss my wife. (Wed Oct 11 13:07 2006)

Here is a list my wife and I put together of all the side effects of using Effexor 150mg.

Effexor 150mg problems

Rating: 1=Minor 5=Serious

Tremor = 2

Restless Legs = 4

Constipation = 4

Night Sweats = 3

Texture Problems =3

Sexual Dysfunction = 5

Intimacy problems

Fatigue= 5

Lacking Self Awareness = 4

“Ticks” or other uncontrollable actions = 5

· Finger Nail clicking =5

· Scratching = 5

· Eyebrow pulling = 5

· Face touching = 4

· Nail biting = 5

· Picking at nails = 4

Weight gain = 3

Lack of emotion = 4

Inappropriate behavior = 3

Poor decision making = 4

Inability to prioritize = 4

Dry Mouth = 2

Startled Easily = 4

Warming sensation of the head = 2

Overwhelming Fear of missing a dosage = 5

Alcohol Related Problems = 5

· Memory loss = 4

· Blackouts or Pass outs = 2

· Poor judgment or decision making = 5

· Decrease in Tolerance = 5

· Constant stroking of hair = 4

(Thu Oct 12 9:59 2006)

Stories of the Effuxed. Meet "Picking up the Pieces"

This is the latest in a monster thread started in July 2007 (currently 73 pages, 1442 comments) over at topix.com called Marriages destroyed by SSRI's/SNRIs. The stories repeat over and over again, almost as if scripted. Most of them do not have as happy of an ending as this one does. It is also unusual because as she weaned herself off Effexor she became closer to her family, but when she went back on Effexor the cheating started up again. Definitely seems to indicate that the drugs have at least something to do with changing ones personality.

My heart goes out to her husband, as I know how much this hurts, and he's handled it a lot better than I have. Major kudos. I wish them both the best.

But it makes me think about how I would handle things if/when my wife ever regains her senses and wants to try to reconcile. She belittled my manhood like I was a little boy. She told me how I never inspired her, but this other man did. She lied to me. She said the text messages to him asking "whether or not his antenna worked", and whether or not he "had a spot for her in his bed like she has for her cat" were only simply platonic jokes that she would do with any friend. When I discovered these text messages and read them to her, she laughed at me maniacally. She saw nothing wrong with keeping her phone locked and hidden away from me. The list goes on...

What would I do if given the chance? Would I take her back? Would I even want to be friends, or would I cut her out of my life forever? After she said that I wasn't her last resort because I wasn't even an option and that she wanted a divorce, I went to my attorney to file papers and thus far have cut her out of my life. I guess that is just for my own emotional self-preservation and healing. No kids, makes it easier. I can only aspire to do the right thing. I wish I just knew what it was.

But I digress. Here's "Picking up the Pieces" story:

http://www.topix.com/forum/drug/effexor/TQ4I2UR28DFD3N759/p73

I have read a lot of your stories and decided to add mine as well. I suffered from depression and later anxiety since high school. After the birth of my 2nd son, it reached an all time low. When he was about 15 mos old, my doctor tried me on Paxil, Paxil CR, and others due to insurance problems. Finally, I started seeing a therapist when he was 3, and he put me on Effexor XR. At first, as with most everyone, it was amazing. I felt great...better than I had in years! I even recommended it to my friends! But within 9 months, my family noticed that my attitude and personality had been changing...ALOT. I became very selfish and assertive, not in a good way. I started working for a friend and it was great. Too great. Within a couple of months we had an affair. Now let me stop right there for a moment and tell you I came from a very religious background for one thing and always felt very very strongly against anything morally wrong. And I loved my husband for the 11 years we were married at that point. He was the most amazing man I knew, loving, patient, helpful, and the best father ever. But there I was hating him, putting him down, cheating on him. This was so opposite of who I was. That man was also on the meds and his wife had said this was a side effect...so to speak. I thought she was crazy, so did my therapist. So I was on it for another 3 months. The relationship with that man ended, and I stayed with my husband. I finally decided to go off the meds and it was awful. If not for my kids, I would not be alive. Fast forward 18 months, I couldn't take it anymore. Work and everything was getting to me so I went back to my therapist. They put me on Zoloft but it made me sick. He said he saw me at my best on Effexor so I tried again. In 6 months, I was back at it again, my 2nd affair with the same man. Only this time, no matter how much my husband tried, I was determined to divorce him after 13 years, even to the mental distress of my 2 kids! In between the 2 tries of meds, we had no real problems, so this was really a shock to him. The following summer, I finally saw the light. The relationship was a lie. I missed my family so badly. And I realized that I only thought I was happy on the Effexor. It changed me completely. I was not the loving, caring, help you if I can person I always was... I was a lying, cheating, selfish, you know what! I abandoned my family, my values, everything. I have been off of the Effexor for a year now. I am truly happy for the 1st time in a long time. I have gone a different route for therapy: I talk about all of my feelings with my family, no matter how bad. I am fortunate that my ex husband is the amazing man he is and sees that it wasn't the real me that did all of those horrible things...although I still take responsibility for them. We are now trying to work on a fresh relationship, rebuilding our family on truth, trust and knowledge. And I know that it was the Effexor that changed me and will NEVER take AD's again! In fact, I now make it clear to all of my friends that they need to be very careful about the meds they are considering.

Casus Belli

On May, 17, 2006 I married my wife.  May 1, 2010 she begins tapering onto Effexor.  Then on May 29, less than a month later, she forces me to leave our apartment for the last time.  

In the third marriage counseling session she tells me that I couldn't be a last resort because she doesn't consider me an option anymore.  She wanted a divorce, she said.  I went to my attorney and had them file the papers the same day.

What happened in that month?  A lot.  We'll get to that in time.  It is the hardest thing I've ever had to deal with in my entire life.  Harder still because my heartbreak barely registers on her drug dampened emotions.  Almost like if someone shot me in the stomach with a twelve gage, and she, seeing me attempting to hold what's left of my intestines in, says casually, "What?  It's just a flesh wound."

It really feels as if she died in a tragic car accident, only to be resurrected by zombie aliens who implanted her with a Vulcan personality of Bill Clinton.  

The person I knew as my wife is gone, her personality and soul ripped out of her body along with the love she had for me.  It will never return as long as she is on Effexor, and so far she says she really likes it -- that she never felt more like herself, as if that statement makes any sense at all.

Thus, Effexor is the enemy.  This story has been repeated over and over.  I am not the first and I won't be the last.  Fortunately, many of those, who have suffered from taking this drug or have suffered through a loved one taking this drug, are starting to speak out.  I will join the chorus of my allies.

And even though our marriage is mortally wounded, I am not.  And while I live, Effexor delenda est.

This means war.